Antibirth

"Antibirth" is a 2016 Canadian-American horror film from writer/director Danny Perez. The movie follows a drug addict named Lou (Natasha Lyonne) who becomes pregnant after attending a party. Not remembering the events of the party, she goes on a search to uncover the reason to her mysterious condition. Along the way she meets a Strange woman named Lorna (Meg Tilly) who seems to grasp a vague understanding of what is happening to her, and together they find the truth to what happened to Lou.

as always I will discuss what ends up happening to Lou at the end of this film so:

SPOILER ALERT!

The movie's plot really centers around Lou just not caring about her condition until she meets Lorna, so for a good chunk of the movie we see Lou smoking and denying her pregnancy. Later we find this is due to a miscarriage she had one night at a club that left her mentally and emotionally scarred. Little by little "Antibirth" uncovers the mystery behind what is happening to Lou, and does a good job at keeping the audience in the dark mostly until the climax, which took me by surprise. There's a decent amount of grotesque imagery in this including a scene where Lou finds a  huge blister on her foot and cuts it open with a hot knife, its absolutely disgusting.

The first kind of creepy creature we see in this movie are the mascots from a pizza company, they end up being background characters that serve as a sort of metaphor for what's really happening to Lou. I found it kind of hilarious because I can see them absolutely terrifying children much like real pizza places. We see these characters about three different times in the film, the first time while Lou is stoned watching TV, the second in a weird nightmare Lou has where they give her a medical examination, and lastly at the physical pizza shop, where they go to for answers. 

Now I said that the Pizza mascots have a metaphorical connection to what happened to Lou, that's because she ends up giving birth to a weird monster reminiscent of the Gillman from "the Creature from the Black Lagoon". When the disembodied head of this thing comes out of Lou my jaw dropped. He looks so wet and fleshy, it just gave me the creeps. Soon after giving birth to the head a SWAT team bursts into Lou's trailer explaining that Lou was used in an experiment to birth a race of soldiers who could survive the atmosphere of space. It's explained that she was one of many unwilling participants in this experiment but due to her lifestyle of drug use and drinking, her womb was the perfect environment to grow this creature. 

After refusing to go with the team Lou beings to go into labor again, this time birthing the full sentient body that belongs to the head she previously gave birth too. This instance, however, ends up killing Lou by sucking out her cytoskeleton and leaving her looking like a deflated balloon. The body goes on a killing spree before finding its head leading to the end of the movie. I have to admit, I really enjoyed the effects on this creature. It felt like a throwback to the old days of horror, where we got a completely practical effects monster that was grotesque and disturbing all at the same time. I feel like this monster, as well as the image of Lou deflating, will be etched into my memory for many years to come.

This movie was not quite what I expected, but still very entertaining. I was hoping the comedy would be a little more prevalent. Instead, I got something that was a bit more gritty and psychedelic. This was still a very light and enjoyable movie, I think that Natasha Lyonne and Meg Tilly work really well together in this. Lyonne gives a pretty grounded performance granted the subject matter. I give "Antibirth" a 2.5/5 on the Patented Monster Meter, I liked it but it's definitely not my favorite in this subgenre of body horror.

"Antibirth" Is available to stream on Shudder!

Digging up the Marrow

"Digging Up the Marrow" is a  2015 found-footage style horror film by one of my all-time favorite directors, Adam Green. The movie begins as a documentary about monster art, with various interviews from artists expressing why they love monsters. These interviews include the artist whose work this movie was based on, Alex Pardee, and Adam Green himself. Adam showcases various pieces of fan mail he's received over the years, including some from a man named William Dekker, who claims to have proof of the existence of monsters. Adam is naturally excited at this news and decides to rework his documentary around Dekker's findings. Tensions rise as Adam and Dekker continuously explore the creature's hideout Dekker refers to as "the Marrow".

I am going to avoid plot spoilers as much as possible in this review. Adam Green's movies are really fun, and I think going in with as vague of an understanding of them is key to really enjoying them even more. I will be showcasing some of the amazing monsters from the SFX team. Alex Pardee, Robert Pendergraft, and Greg Aronowitz are a match made in heaven as far as SFX design goes. Pardee has such a unique voice with his art that is translated so well due to the efforts of the SFX team. The BluRay of the film has a featurette called "Monsters of the Marrow" which dives deep into the translation of Pardee's work which I highly recommend. There are several monsters we see throughout the film so let's take a look at a couple of them.

The first creature is Vance. He lets out a terrifying shriek when we see him in a scene where I had to pause to get a good look at him just to admire the work. Early on in the movie it is suggested that these "monsters" are actually deformed humans which can be noted as a heavy influence in the look of each monster. Every creation feels very organic and I have to admit, these creatures look, unlike any monster I've seen before in film! Vance is one of the more humanoid ones that we see and is interestingly enough he is isn't a puppet or a prosthetic, but instead a statue with an actor's hands in front of it to sell the effect.

My favorite of the entire film has to be Chicken. Chicken's appearance comes towards the end of of the film and is so quick that you may miss it. As the climax of the film is happening and the crew is just about to be bombarded by monsters, Chicken dashes by their feet. The level of detail in Chicken is astounding. When sculpting him they tried to think of how he would work anatomically and even included a butthole! Chicken and Vance are the only two I want to showcase to allow for the surprise effect some of the other creatures give to the film.

The found footage genre is very oversaturated with content. I have always believed this is a fantastic way to bring your audience into the world of your film. Some movies succeed with this style and others don't. "Digging up the Marrow" is definitely a success story. Adam Green has a certain feel to each one of his projects where he blends elements of different genres to deliver a really enjoyable end product. You can always tell in an Adam Green film just how much he truly loves the genre and filmmaking as a whole. "Digging up the Marrow" may very well be my favorite of his works and earns a well deserved 5/5 on the patented monster meter.

Digging up the Marrow is currently available on Shudder for streaming!

the Puppet Monster Massacre

"the Puppet Monster Massacre" is a 2010 puppet horror-comedy from director Dustin Mills. It follows a group of young puppets who each receive a mysterious letter inviting them to spend a night in a mansion for a chance to win $1.000.000. Throughout the night they find themselves terrorized by a mutant creature created by a Nazi scientist and hellbent on feeding on their corpses!

I would put a spoiler warning on this review, but there really isn't a need since this film really isn't plot-heavy what-so-ever. Each character in this just feels like a stereotype, we have Charlie the bright-eyed positive protagonist, his head-strong spunky crush Gwen, Gramps: Charlie's crazy and horny grandfather whose claim to fame is "punching Hitler in the pecker", Raimi a perverted and horny super-nerd, Iggy and Moana: horny punk stereotypes, and Wolfgang Wagner: (pictured below) the evil nazi who created Squiggums the aforementioned puppet monster.

It seems that every character in this movie is either stupid or a perv, which tends to be a common theme in this sub-genre of schlock b-movie horror similar to the Troma movies I love so dearly. Throughout the film, we follow the characters being gross to one another all in the backdrop of green-screened environments. This culminates in an absolutely bonkers ending involving a WWII style confrontation with Squiggums (pictured below) lead by Gramps, and boy is it hysterical.

Squiggums is stand out aspect of this movie. I love the way his puppet is designed, it pulls a lot of inspiration from the Xenomorph of "Alien" fame. I feel like the crew took the most time building and designing Squiggums. Squiggums went through several designs until they decided on the final, and one of the awesome features on the DVD is it includes some screen tests showcasing two scrapped designs. He feels a lot more complex and intricate, whereas the other characters feel like they were built using a Youtube tutorial. This adds to the overall feel of the movie, I don't think it would be the same with a bigger budget or cleaner puppets and sets. The cheapness of the end product works for the type of movie it is.

For the most part, the humor mostly relies on penis and fart jokes which may work for some but doesn't always work for me. What does work for me are the ridiculous moments, like Raimi being chased by Squiggums set to a royalty-free piano diddy, or Charlie being stuck in a room with thousands of Bunnies. There's also a ton of sound inconsistencies throughout the dialogue.

All in all, I really enjoy this movie. The sound inconsistencies and the humor driven plot just really show how much fun the cast and crew had making it and how driven Mills was to get his movie made. A ton of filmmakers I feel are hindered by perfection complex regarding their film, but I really commend Dustin Mills for working with what he had to make this feature happen.  For a funny, ridiculous, and for being one of the weirdest movies to wander into my DVD collection I give 'the Puppet Monster Massacre" a solid 2/5 on the Patented Monster Meter! 

Cellar Dweller

"Cellar Dweller" is a 1988 horror movie from director John Carl Buechler and written by Don Mancini, the creator of the "Childs Play" franchise. "Cellar Dweller" tells the story of a successful horror comic artist, Colin Childress (Jeffery Combs) who inadvertently summons a demon with the help of a cursed book and also by drawing it in the latest issue of his comic: Cellar Dweller. Childress meets an untimely demise while fighting off the demon and setting his studio ablaze. Years later the Childress home becomes an institute to the arts where new student and devoted Childress fan, Whitney Taylor (Debrah Farentino) attends. Whitney eventually takes up Childress' cellar studio and uncovers the cursed book and unleashes the horrors within!


SPOILERS!!!

"Cellar Dweller" takes a very interesting plot and managed to at times feel a bit incoherent. Where I did enjoy this movie, I found the 1 hour and 17 minute runtime really made for a lot of obvious cramming as far as the story goes. I feel like out of the 7 deaths in its runtime I only remember about half of them happening and I just finished watching it. This movie has a ton going for it and the overall tone is very light and fun, but it also feels that a portion of it was left on the cutting room floor. It could have greatly benefited from about 10-15 minutes of additional footage to help provide more substance to the story.

Probably the biggest crime of this movie is the underuse of Jeffery Combs as Colin Childress. I would be interested in seeing the film that ends where this one begins and see how Childress found the book and all the things he went through while it was in his possession. All of the characters in this film have little to no backstory or depth, they all just kind of serve as fodder for the monster in the long run.

On a huge positive note, the Makeup effects in this are amazing. The Cellar Dweller creature is just an awesome old-school 80's  practical effects monster. This hulking beast terrorizes the artist in the house, slaying and everyone in his path. Very few of his kills are actually seen on camera, but there is one beheading that is particularly gruesome.

I really love a lot of aspects of this movie, but there's also a ton that really prevents it from being an absolute classic. "Cellar Dweller" winds up being a fun but forgettable 80's horror movie. Completely worth the watch but also not particularly worth going out of your way to watch.
"Cellar Dweller" earns a 2/5 on the Patented Monster Meter!

Snatchers

"Snatchers" is a 2019 horror comedy from directors Stephen Cedars and Benji Kleiman. It follows high school student Sara (Mary Nepi)  who loses her virginity to her boyfriend Skyler (Austin Fyberger). Waking up 9 months pregnant she enlists the help of her childhood friend Hayley (Gabrielle Elyse). Their rocky friendship is put to the test when Sara gives birth to an Alien, hellbent on destroying mankind. It's up to Sara and Hayley to put their differences aside in order to save the world!

SPOILERS!

We establish in the beginning of "Snatchers" the history behind Sara and Hayley. They are friends who grew up inseparable but sometime within the beginning of high school Sara became more associated with the popular crew. We also find out that Sara's relationship with Skyler is strained due to the fact she didn't feel ready to have sex, so in a move to win him back she gets dressed up and decides to take the next step with him. This hilariously is cut prematurely by Skyler, and when Sara wakes up in the morning she is very pregnant. Scared she reaches out to her old friend Hayley. 

In an attempt to find out more about her situation, they reluctant friends pay a visit to the clinic where Sara gives birth to an alien creature in a hilariously tense and violent scene. The two teens share a laugh upon their escape but find that Sara is still pregnant with another alien. From here we discover that Skyler was infected by an alien fertility idol he broke while on vacation in Mexico. He becomes aggressively horny, unknowingly on a mission to spread the alien seed. Hayley and Sara rekindle their friendship and manage to save the world from being taken over by horny aliens.

"Snatchers" Mixes elements of High school coming of age stories with 80s sci-fi horror, to make a delightful and exciting movie. I feel Mary Nepi delivers a really stand out performance, although her character seems snobbish at times due to her newfound popularity she is able to portray Sara in layers where you don't feel that her characters morals really align with the other popular teens creating an inner conflict which Nepi just nails! Gabrielle Elyse is also fantastic as Hayley. She showcases a great level of caring and frustration with Sara.

I blind bought this movie at the beginning of quarantine and it quickly became one of my favorite horror movies of the year, and possibly all time. Every element of this movie works and comes together in a wild and fun ride. "Snatchers" has endearing and fun characters, great action sequences, and an over the top premise that you will never forget.

I give "Snatchers" a 5/5 on the patented Monster Meter!!! 

The Head Hunter

"the Head Hunter" is a 2019 fantasy horror film that was directed, co-written, produced, and edited by Jordan Downy. Simply put the movie follows a medieval warrior (Christopher Rygh) who is collecting heads of the monsters he slays all on the search for the one who killed his daughter.

Right off the bat I will say this is one of if not my favorite horror movie of 2019. "the Head Hunter" was shot on a micro-budget of about $30,000, and with this budget it delivers such a beautifully haunting work. It clocks in at about 70 minutes, but manages to pace its-self consistently without feeling rushed. There is roughly a cast of 3 people and from what I can gather a very limited crew. For normal films this would be a huge setback but Jordan Downy manages to create an immersive environment that truly builds horrifying tension throughout.

SPOILER ALERT!!! 

The plot of this movie becomes repetitive, in essence we follow the warrior throughout the film hunting monsters, killing said monsters, and attending to his wounds with a sort of magic mud that heals him almost instantly. Eventually he finds the creature who killed his daughter and slays it, before pinning the head on his wall he throws it in his home and spends a moment at his daughters grave. In a manner of circumstance, his healing mud  comes in contact with the creatures head, and we see the creature cause mayhem. Our finale is super messed up: The head attaches itself to the daughters corpse and fights the warrior. When the warrior finally removes the head again and brings it home we get a twist ending of  the head not being dead and taking over our protagonist.

Many people didn't love the conclusion but for me it was a good callback to the classic "THE END?" moments of old school monster movies and was a satisfying end to an excellent movie.

Christopher Rygh gives a fantastic performance as the warrior we follow throughout this movie. He is grizzled, tormented, and monstrous in his own right. I was able to feel his sorrow and determination to atone for the loss of his daughter.

I would be crazy if I didn't mention Troy Smith's creature effects featured in this movie. I loved them, each head that the warrior puts up on his mantle looks completely over the top but fits in the realm of the world Downy builds. I never once questioned that any creature in this was real.

I LOVE this movie, I bought it on a whim because the trailer looked interesting but god damn did it surpass my expectations!

I give "the Head Hunter" a solid 5/5 on the patented Monster Meter!

"the Head Hunter" is currently available on SHUDDER to stream so GO WATCH IT!!

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

"The Autopsy of Jane Doe" is a 2016 horror movie by director Andre Ovredal. It follows the father-son mortician team of Tommy (Brian Cox) and Austin (Emile Hirsch). One night an Unidentified body is dropped off to their office from a local crime scene. As the two men dive deeper into the examination they uncover startling secrets of the young woman's fate.


First and foremost, let me begin by saying this movie is extremely well done. Also, this may dip into spoiler territory so:

SPOILER ALERT!! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE MOVIE!!

From the very first scene in this movie, I had a consistent sense of curiosity. Every second that passes I feel the urge to learn more about the characters and the fate of Jane Doe. Within the first few scenes, we learn that Austin lost his mother which was especially hard for Tommy to cope with. This puts Austin in a position where he consistently worries about his father, a very relatable trait that makes resonated with me. This made what happens throughout the night so much more terrifying.

The film begins to unravel in a similar fashion of a crime thriller for about the first 30-40 minutes. It is in this section of the movie where I feel it is especially terrifying. After this point where they start to get a jist of what has happened to Jane Doe. She is a witch whose body has been in a constant comatose state. She is basically punishing everyone in her path by making them feel the pain that she felt when she was tortured to death. when they start to find out clues that lead to this conclusion the movie becomes less scary and more like a standard paranormal horror film.

Don't get me wrong this isn't a bad thing, in fact, it's quite effective. It manages to have your standard paranormal beats where you question if what happens to these characters is real or in their heads, but also manages to be satisfying in how it is executed. I'm not a huge paranormal horror fan, I'm more of a slasher guy but this movie was a FANTASTIC addition to the paranormal sub-genre of horror. Great tension, awesome jump scares, and just overall one of the best horror movies it took me forever to finally watch.

I give  "the Autopsy of Jane Doe"  4.5/5 on the patented Monster Meter!